What’s the best memories you have as a child? What made you feel the most loved? What were those “golden” moments where everything felt right? I’m calling them golden moments because I don’t really know how to describe them, but they are remembered with that warm, fuzzy feeling. I know not everyone is so fortunate to have many good memories with their family. It doesn’t necessarily have to be family. Maybe it was a teacher, coach, or neighbor. I’ve been reflecting on what makes a “good memory” for a child. And more importantly than a good memory, what makes a child feel loved, valued, and important. Because while memories fade, I believe it’s the love, care and attention that plays a big role in how worthy, valuable and confident we will feel as adults.
Here’s what came up as I reflected on my own childhood:
Family game night was on Friday night. Family vacations and trips that usually took place camping and in nature. We had weekly family Bible studies and family dinner every night without fail (except on Sundays when we got to eat whatever we wanted in front of the tv.) The things we took for granted as children and then annoyed us as teenagers were the things that my heart holds onto the most from back then. These were our golden traditions. There’s something about the consistency of these little rituals that I believe build a sense of security and love in us as children. One of those for me was reading next to my mother in her bed almost every night for years. We each had our separate books and would read silently to ourselves. I know it was my mom’s time to unwind, but something about getting to just be with her was comforting for me.
It’s the time spent together, the undivided attention, the care put into it. It’s both the special trips and the daily rituals.
I participated in a poetry workshop recently, and the host told us about one of her favorite traditions of going with her mom to pick flowers and later pressing them in huge dictionaries on the hearth of their fireplace. It’s the little traditions that hold a magical feeling with them when we look back. That reminded me of our etiquette class my mom gave us where she prepared fancy food and we learned table manners as we ate by candlelight. It was an experience that made me feel so special.
I also have some of those fun-filled memories spending time with my siblings one-on-one. From a fake tea-party with my sister in our old parlor where we pretended we were rich, elegant women from another era, to playing out scenes of a lego space launch with my brother, to coming home from middle school and watching the Simpson’s with my other sister in her room until it was time for dinner. Those are the first ones that came to mind.
What little traditions will I create with my kids, I wonder. What golden moments will they cherish, even if it doesn’t seem like they are enjoying it in the moment.
One of the most beautiful things is that it doesn’t have to be an over-the-top, extravagant plan. It can be amazingly simple. Because it’s not about what you’re doing, it’s about feeling that connection; enjoying each other’s presence. It’s about setting aside time to give your undivided attention. It’s pausing from the craziness of life and never-ending to-do lists to show that at the end of the day, what matters is you, and us being together, and that’s it.
Maybe it’s a special plan out of the ordinary; maybe it’s a simple nightly routine. The ordinary and out-of-ordinary experiences both have significant value for a child if you’re intentional about it.
I think about how we can all be that safe person in some child’s life.
Hopeful Wonderer 